Penitence

Despise, weep
I write to think
the end is certain
I would like a choice
far and free
pointless or petty.
Please go forth
forgive no more.
I’m full of disgust
bruised arms
throbbing abscess
down, not that brave
feel it often enough
I’m sorry I’m tired
see through and wired.

Sleep is a coward for me
flee’s most nights
never do I scream
freedom in my dreams.
Long ago,
the love died in me
sad and lost
generally bad
a punishment
deeper than hell.
I convince myself less,
had enough of “it’s over”
to stop time feels in vain.
I would try if I could change.

Making the effort
return to the past
I would be ok
but I’m going extinct,
I’m sorry I’m lost.
Where do I run?
my life is a sham
didn’t mean to scare you
Im so sorry
I honestly am.
In the grand cosmic order
to the stars I belong
to wander in eternity
to find a new song.