Written

Talking to myself
to invisible friends
the people i love
in a certain way,
small talk reveals
how i feel,
I catch myself
before any harm
inform myself
that I’m not here.

How do I get past,
living so fast
I’m all alone, so
not really the same.
Like a flower
or a flame.
I want desire,
to be remembered
Is this all there is?
Not realising I exist?

In the grand scheme of things
never warned of peace
not sure I’m real,
Is a cell or a leaf?
We set instructions in stone
that travel through time
“we are not alone”.
When I was young
unparalled safety
this is my debt
I pay unsaid.

Without a form
an unrelenting cause
in days to come
I’m confused and torn.
Amassing in the streets
the most killed by the few,
destroying blurred masses
we begin to fall.
Tax havens surface
empires grow tall
the rich are aloft
poor on the floor
lower levels of humanity
behind every door.
We must beat the two headed beast
the most versus the least.

Survival

The needle searches
for its place
many times over
these days.
Blood and scabbard
swirling hazards,
the stopper suceeds
the bubble recedes.

A taste hits my throat
like copper money
warmth engulfs me
the outside of nothing
heart beats beyond me
pin pricks my face
the citric stings
the stickiness alluring
no turning back
even if i want to.

Theres comfort in the pain
I desire destruction
chase it bit by bit
the calm is too late,
love comes too soon.
Use to the edge
nowhere to go
what I have of life
a will to survive.

Place of no walls
room with no exits
can’t ask for help
don’t have the time.
My head spins,
and so it begins
I don’t even try
lost in the lie,
I cannot find
my change of mind.

Penitence

Despise, weep
I write to think
the end is certain
I would like a choice
far and free
pointless or petty.
Please go forth
forgive no more.
I’m full of disgust
bruised arms
throbbing abscess
down, not that brave
feel it often enough
I’m sorry I’m tired
see through and wired.

Sleep is a coward for me
flee’s most nights
never do I scream
freedom in my dreams.
Long ago,
the love died in me
sad and lost
generally bad
a punishment
deeper than hell.
I convince myself less,
had enough of “it’s over”
to stop time feels in vain.
I would try if I could change.

Making the effort
return to the past
I would be ok
but I’m going extinct,
I’m sorry I’m lost.
Where do I run?
my life is a sham
didn’t mean to scare you
Im so sorry
I honestly am.
In the grand cosmic order
to the stars I belong
to wander in eternity
to find a new song.

Lost & Found

A smile a nod
how are you today
an untainted welcome
how quickly you warm to us.
Of no fixed abode
never masks your fervour,
a coin from the street
a message of promise.

But the beast is merciless
bites with persistance
stolen with the moment
lost to the wind.
I want to stop you
but i cannot reach
want to tell you not to
but you don’t hear me speak.

Your picture doesn’t befit you
a message gives us hope
too little to recognise
to much doubt.
You can break the rules
we care not for the small
just come back
return to us all.

At last out of grasp
a month has passed
makes if too real
we plan our day.
Remembering the cost
we hope you don’t mind
that we laugh again,
goodbye to you friend.

Unclaimed

Desolate and unlodged
unreachable ghosts,
in hiding places
forgotten
wasting and stained,
stripped of ‘life’
and tainted pasts,
twisting into nothing,
not even a memory.

At the limits
protected in silence,
illusions of safety
hits back in vengeance.
Disease and cold intrusion,
vagueries reek of
affluent side effect,
showing us nothing.

Pushing guilt in oppulence
patronising benevolence,
insomniacs invade
the lights of dawn
as narcosis fades with
the skies bright eyes.

I see them
I don’t think of home,
it cannot become me
makes me burn,
I start to sweat
and fell in turn
into loss and hopelessness.

I cannot fix anything
it will not fix me,
I try to lay my hands on it
to rest its head
but I delay its death
and forget instead.

Consumed

For you;
I would defy storms
endure 100 year wars
bleed every ocean
walk a million miles.

For you;
I would forsake the Gods,
avenge every wrong
walk on broken glass
and over hot coals.

In you;
I see gentleness
mindfullness
and kindness.
The sun rises in my head
when i look into your eyes.

In you;
I see a picture
of your perfect soul.
You become my pipedream,
for a while.

If you;
remember my words
I become strong another day,
or read my words
and think of me,
its a love I cannot reach.
Your unaffected touch
your smile, serene
a love all consuming
just a kind memory.

Cut & Dry

I wanted to grow
but stayed ever young,
tried to say sorry
but mislaid my tounge.
I wanted to feel
but lost my nerve,
tried to see
but couldn’t be heard.

I wanted to live
but ended up dead,
wanted to be someone
got left behind.
I wanted to remember
but became old news,
wanted to win
but I always lose.

I fought you today
and left you behind,
it wasn’t for long
and you were not kind.
I hurt myself often
craved only pain,
thirsted for blood,
the sting I bacame.

To know you is love,
I felt only hate,
I had to restrain you
before its too late.
When you are torn apart
its easy to fail,
but I know you better now,
just an old tale.

Back from the Old House

A bank of soil
becomes towns and roads,
the bottomless abyss
where danger hovers,
silent dens hide smoke
herb gardens emit a roast,
a future armageddon
lost in a daydream.

A pool posessed by tyres
trees become frail silhouettes,
mist hangs shrouding me
against its pale creation,
Smell’s of winter
hides the drones of military might,
the midnight express
echoes in the night.

Aroma’s in rooms around me
life is rushing back,
with each vague movement
I hear old dogs bark,
protection is the rain
ending near winters veil,
frantically but silently
present dangers fail.

Sukha/Dukkha

Yehosuah in his life
heaven born before his time.
A spirit of ages
his second sight,
a soothsayer
translated by proselytes.
Great visions of
halcyon days,
stories unfold
of silk and gold,
honey and fish,
the human soul.
What we need
from the scripts we read,
a reason to give
a reason to love
a reason to live
in the world above.

The TV freaks
and propaganda geeks,
they tell me
apart from “i’m free”,
that benefit fraud
steals from us all,
but the powers steal more,
and for who?
One mans pockets
or military warships,
new powerful rockets
that cause all
the hardships?
I try to fight it
but lose the target.
Do we accept it?
Become a part of it?